The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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