at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
