You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
