I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize