remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
