WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
