turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
