Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
