Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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