i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
