I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
