My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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