I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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