I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
