Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
