I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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