Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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