I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
