My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
