I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
