Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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