my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
