I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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