Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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