And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
