He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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