yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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