where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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