Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
