You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
