there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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