My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
