my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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