i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
