I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
