I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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