im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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