I wish I only lived at night.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
