I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
zippers are such a cool invention
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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