so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
