Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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