I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
