is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
