We're facebook friends in real life
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
