you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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