Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
