I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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