I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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