Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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