Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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