and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
