I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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