my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
