even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
