I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
