There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
