porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My dick has a subreddit
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
