I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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