i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
