Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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