From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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