And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
