We got so high we made milksteak
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
