let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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