She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
