Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
