At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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