my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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