I cut my penus on the lid.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
