Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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