OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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