Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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